So, I decide to give a kick in the pants review. A battle of two titans. Moe's VS Chipotle!

After eating at Chipotle(which I craved, and felt a disturbance in the force for), I decided to check out Moe's today. Next stop? Quedoba's, but our friends there will have to wait. This review has just started!

Moe's has new locations springing up all over the place. Lets face it; this place is over rated. Months back a friend once told me he felt more filled up after going to Taco Bell, buying more food for the same price you would pay at Moe's. Moe's marketing scheme consists of decidedly unclever, corny sounding names for their foods. Items such as sonovabitch salsa, blowjob burritos, gringo guacomole, cheesy ass god damn cheese, stupid motherfucking shredded something ass or whatever cheddar vermont cheesy cheese, bitch ass beef, fucking fajitas, tore up tacos, salivating salad, and jujitsu juice are the norm. Asking for a chicken taco is simply not enough. You must ask for the cheesy jack sonovamotherfuck chicken ole' tantric taco. Only then will your order be understood.

This reminds me a lot about the time someone asked me for a tai chi latte. Are you fucking serious? How about a god damn motherfucking mocha with a lucky lesbian latte on the side? Do you need fried ass french fries with that mam?

Anyways so onto Moe's food, which typically have longer names than a JAV movie title, yet leave you feeling a lot less satisfied. The guacamole is cheaper than Chipotle. Chipotle charges $1.65 for guac. Moe's charges a dollar. You pay for what you get. The guac at Moe's sucks. Tastes more like verde salsa with lime squeezed in. Was there even an avocado in there? Who the fuck knows.

Now Chipotle guac. There we go. The richness of the avocado. Straight to the point recognizability. Green. Natural green. Yellow flesh of the avocado without a ridiculous fucking name behind it. Chipotle wins this battle.

Now the burritos. At Moe's I had the homewrecker. What the fuck is that? Just a god damn burrito with the works, thats about it. It costs almost as much as Chipote's burritos. It wasn't as good. Tortilla was colder. It did not feel like I had a warm hot meal in my mouth. The meat was not hot. It is big, but Chipotle's is bigger. It simply is not as good. Ultimately my friend was right, I would have felt more satisfied going to Taco bell. Moe's just has a bit more selection than Chipotle, thats about it. Good luck figuring out the menu. Its best to go to Taco bell with a five dollar bill. I guarantee you will get more fulfilling food, and pay less.

Now Chipotle. God damn. When I went inside it was like Rahm Kota getting his vision back. It was like flying a valkyrie. It was like that time I played Ace Combat 2. It was like the very first time I bit into a strawberry cheesecake.

So I order chips and guac with a carnitas burrito. I have been craving carnitas since Otakon, since I opted for chicken instead, the last time I went to Chipotle. Anyways...god damn...tasty ingredients...hot ass tortilla...you can taste the freshness...the meat was hot, the burrito was huge, the menu was straight to the fucking point. The chips..fuck..the chips were way better than Moe's, the only advantage with Moe's is that the chips are free. Fuck that if it tastes good, I'll pay, and pay I did at Chipotle. Each in ingredient complemented each other, enhancing the experience. This is a place worth driving too. If only there would be one next to our fucking neighborhood. Oh and the menu did not have the ridiculous, useless names that Moe's had.

So my advice, if you want burritos or such, skip Moe's, if you want cheap, go Taco Bell, if you have the extra bones, fill up at Chipotle. The same amount of money you use at Moe's will net you more at Taco Hell or Chipotle.

Quedoba's I'm coming after you!